An excellent post about parenting mantras – 8 Parenting Mantras to Get You Through the Tough Moments – by blogger Lori Garcia in Babble last week,  reminded me some of the focusing techniques I share with parents as a pediatrician.

Mantras are terrific – one of my own personal ones, as a father, is “Let it Be…”,  but I also talk to parents about using what I call “good” parenting triggers as part of their parenting personality.

The kind of triggers we’re all familiar with are things that cause us to react and feel strong emotions. What I call a “good’ parenting trigger is a mental, emotional, or physical experience that we conjure up to allow us to take a moment, take a breath, collect our thoughts, and regain composure.

Your trigger can be anything – from a special memory of a sunrise, your own mother’s smile, the wonderful smell of something cooking, stroking your pet, or a special name, as long as it evokes a positive emotion.

The mother of one of my young patients started using a step she learned in Irish dancing as her trigger and it got her through the entire “Terrible Twos.” I loved the image of her “wee one” dumping a plate of spaghetti on the floor, then her doing a little jig before calmly cleaning it up!

Layla

Mantras can be very effective and keep us grounded in the truth and in what’s truly important to us in life and as a parent. I like to complement them with triggers as well, because a trigger has a deep emotional effect, putting us in a place that emits a good feeling and bringing us back to center. It calms us and cuts down on impulsive reactions we may regret later.

One of my own “triggers” has always been Eric Clapton’s song, “Layla.” It got me through horrific bouts of baby colic and missed teenage curfews. When I hear it in my mind, it always helps me to focus and smile – in spite of the stress and chaos around me.

Thanks, Slow Hand, for the parenting assist!