In the forty years that I’ve been practicing pediatrics I’ve made an important – and very happy – discovery. Working with – and getting to know – so many wonderful children and their parents and families, I’ve learned that every person who has ever raised a child really wants to be a good, successful parent raising happy children. No one begins their parenting journey with the goal of being a lousy Mom or Dad. No parent has ever told me they’re aspiring to be incompetent so they can star in their own reality TV show: “Ruining Tyler” or “Messing Up Mikaela”!

The more young patients I saw, and the more I got to know their Moms and Dads, the more I was struck by how many times I heard – from new and seasoned parents alike – “Dr. Howard, am I doing this right?”  I learned that what all parents have in common is an overwhelming, abiding desire to make sure they are doing a good job, that they aren’t “messing it up.”

But what exactly does that mean? Is there a secret to “doing it right”?  With all the conflicting parenting guides out there to choose from, it’s no wonder parents are confused. New parenting “styles” and advice seem to come and go as quickly as fad diets.

Photo by Lia Jay Photography

When I became a father, I experienced some of those same feelings myself: that inner voice wondering if I was somehow getting it wrong. And I was supposed to be the trained expert!

Happily, the longer I worked with children – my patients and my own, the longer I observed conscientious parents doing their best, and the longer I worked as a professor of Pediatrics and as an expert in international adoption, the more one thing became crystal clear to me: every parent has their own unique parenting style.

That is why I believe there is no “cookie cutter” way to parent. Each child is unique. Each parent is unique. Each situation is unique. There are no “Top 10 Steps” list or one-size-fits all approach to parenting that works for the  unique relationship every parent has with their child. That’s very good news because it means that we all have the opportunity to develop our own unique Parenting Personality. One that suits us and our unique relationship with our child.

I believe that with the help of three simple guidelines I’ve discovered over the years – not rules, just parenting reference points – we can permit our own unique – and valuable – Parenting Personality to grow and see our children flourish.

My goal is to draw on my 30 years of experience as a pediatrician, a professor, and a father – to de-mystify parenting a bit. To help parents realize that it is not as a daunting a responsibility as many books and articles would have you feel, but rather a wondrous adventure and an opportunity for personal growth.

That’s what I’ll be talking about here, as well as in my upcoming book. So please check back often as we explore how there’s no other parent in the world quite like you, and how best to share that with your child.