Constant fatigue… No time for yourself… Frustrated… Guilt-ridden… Everybody wants something from you…

Sounds like you’re singing The Working Mom Blues.

With approximately 70% of women with children in the workforce, many mothers are at least humming that tune. Dads work too, of course, but somehow it always seems like Moms shoulder more of the weight, which means they are faced with more conflicting emotions and challenges. In my years of pediatric practice, I have talked to countless mothers struggling to come to grips with raising a child, while working without feeling as if they are shortchanging their children.

Let’s take a look at some of the verses in The Working Mom Blues:

Guilt

This is a Working Mom’s constant companion. “Did I choose my career over my child?” “Can I earn enough to make it worth leaving my own child in daycare?” “Do I really need to work right now or can we cut back a little to save money?” It’s so hard to miss your child’s first step or their starring role in a school play because you have to work and it’s heartrending to leave a crying toddler at daycare. And it’s equally worrisome not being around for your evolving teenager.

Fatigue

Rising early to get your child ready. Putting in long hours at work. Returning home to the responsibilities of being a parent. Your work requires you to perform well and your child expects you to play with them, care for them, nourish them and help solve all their problems. It takes a huge toll – physically and mentally- that would exhaust Wonder Woman!

Separation Anxiety

A crisis for mother, as well as child, that taps into the strong protective maternal instinct to ALWAYS be there for your child in EVERY situation. Especially when your child plaintively begs you not to leave them or your older child deflates when you tell them you’re going out of town again. How could you not feel torn?

Child Care Crises

Your baby sitter calls just as you are leaving for work to say she’s sick. Your parents are taking a trip and can’t watch your toddler that week. Your daycare has a sudden outbreak of bronchitis and you’re not comfortable having your child attend. Or your child develops a fever and daycare doesn’t accept sick children. At a loss for care, you have to take a personal day, which your boss isn’t happy about. And those days have a way of adding up…

Feeling Under-Appreciated

You’re doing you best to provide a good life for your child, your family and your self, but no one really appreciates all your hard work. No one seems to see all the balls you juggle and the sacrifices you make. Your appreciation level is low and frustration level is high.

Does any of this sound familiar? So how do you change that tune? Or at least get The Working Mom Blues in an easier key to sing? Here are 6 suggestions to help get that groove back.

Sympathize

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself! Give yourself some credit and cut yourself some slack. We all have challenges; there is no such thing as a perfect parent, whether they are working or stay-at-home. Remember that many people are actually better parents because they work. Make peace with yourself and forgive yourself as a Mom who is doing the best she can on any given day. There are a million different parenting styles out there, but the best Parenting Personality for your children is yours, so don’t compare yourself to others just because they may have more time to devote.

Compartmentalize

Commit to work when at work and to home when at home. Often easier said than done, but it makes you commit to both at the appropriate time and be more productive and happier in both cases. Preparing your quarterly office report after dinner instead of reading to your child will make you frustrated. And one patient of mine actually lost her job because she was researching baking soda volcanoes for her daughter’s science fair project while at work.

Prioritize

Parenting is a balancing act and being a working mom can be a Three Ring Circus! You already know you can’t accomplish everything. Sometimes the laundry will pile up. The kids my not be able to go to the playground on a particular day. If you make a list – even just a mental one – and do what is most important first, working your way down, you’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel. And teach your kids about priorities too: if they understand, that will make your life easier as well.

Internalize

Give yourself a Mantra. As a Western pediatrician, I borrowed from Eastern philosophy and starting recommended mantras for a patients as a great way to re-center and take a moment when fatigue, guilt and frustration set in. Try it when you start to hyperventilate or in moments of doubt when you wonder if you are a decent Mom or if your child is thriving. Close your eyes, take on moment and repeat a mantra of your choosing. It could be as simple as “I can do this” or ”I am a good person” or “I am the best possible Mom for MY child.” In stressful times of doubt, it calms you down and puts things back in proportion.

Socialize

It’s hard for one person to do all of this alone; reach out to others for support and companionship. If you’re married, make specific arrangements with your husband: Who makes dinner on what night? Who does the laundry on what day? If you don’t have a partner, try to get family members or a friend to help out on a regular basis to give you a break. And reaching out to and commiserating with friends who are facing the same challenges always makes it easier. Singing The Working Mom Blues chorus together gets all your feet tapping.

Realize It Gets Easier

Each age of our children presents a challenge. Infants are cute but colicky and sleepless nights can send you to the loony bin quickly. Toddlers are demanding and their tantrums frustrating. Teenagers are constantly reminding you of your parental ignorance and your lack of understanding. But through this all, we learn about ourselves and adjust. Routines get established and boundaries set. Take heart that it will get easier with experience and instincts and that who you are uniquely, job and all, is what your children will learn from and appreciate!

The Working Mom Blues is a common Top 40 tune. But let singing it – preferably with others – be a great way to harmonize and help you re-achieve balance, fulfillment, and the realization that your unique parenting style and choices are who you are, and that who you are is exactly what your kids need you to be.

Bonnie Raitt by David Gans (licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons) http://bit.ly/1A7Qy1L